Developmental Trauma and its Impact on Adulthood

Have you ever felt like you're floating through life, unsure of what you want or need? Or maybe you cling to relationships desperately, afraid of being alone. Perhaps you fiercely avoid any form of dependence, determined to never be vulnerable again. These patterns, though seemingly different, can all stem from a common root: developmental trauma.

Understanding Developmental Trauma

Developmental trauma arises when a child's fundamental needs are unmet, compromising their sense of safety, security, and trust. Such experiences disrupt healthy attachment formation, leading to difficulties regulating emotions and behaviors. Without proper support, these effects can persist into adulthood, affecting various aspects of life.

A key concept in understanding developmental trauma is relational trauma. This refers to disruptions in attachment and relationships stemming from adverse childhood experiences. These disruptions can hinder forming and maintaining healthy relationships in adulthood, as well as trusting others and oneself.

Impact on Adulthood 

Every child has certain birthrights—fundamental needs and wants that are essential for healthy development. These include the need for safety, love, acceptance, belonging, autonomy, and competence. When these birthrights are denied or compromised, it can have significant consequences for the individual's sense of self-worth and their ability to navigate relationships and the world around them.

• Dependency

  Those with unmet childhood needs may develop dependency patterns in adulthood, excessively relying on others for validation, approval, and direction. They may struggle to assert their needs and make independent decisions, seeking external validation due to childhood neglect or abandonment.

  For instance, Sarah grew up in a household where her emotional needs were consistently ignored. As an adult, she finds herself constantly seeking validation from her romantic partners, friends, and colleagues. She struggles to trust her own judgment and often feels insecure and needy in relationships, living with an underlying fear that she’ll be abandoned.

• Needlessness/Wantlessness

  On the other end of the spectrum, some individuals may adopt a stance of needlessness or wantlessness as a coping mechanism. They may deny their own needs and emotions, believing that expressing vulnerability or seeking help is a sign of weakness. This can lead to a pattern of self-sufficiency and emotional detachment, as they strive to avoid the pain of unmet needs.

  As an example, John grew up in a family where expressing emotions was discouraged, and vulnerability was seen as a liability. As an adult, he prides himself on being independent and self-reliant, often dismissing his own emotional needs as unnecessary. He struggles to form deep connections with others and tends to keep people at arm's length.

• Anti-Dependency

  Some individuals who experienced neglect or abuse in childhood may develop an anti-dependent stance in adulthood. They may reject or resist relationships and support from others, viewing them as sources of potential harm or betrayal. This can lead to isolation, distrust, and difficulty forming meaningful connections with others.

  For example, Alex grew up in a chaotic and abusive household, where trusting others was dangerous. As an adult, he struggles to let people in and often pushes others away when they try to get close. He prides himself on his self-sufficiency but secretly longs for connection and intimacy.

• Confusion Between Needs and Wants

  In some cases, individuals who experienced developmental trauma may struggle to differentiate between their genuine needs and superficial wants. They may engage in impulsive or self-destructive behaviors in an attempt to fulfill unmet emotional needs or numb their pain. This can lead to a cycle of dissatisfaction and discontent, as they chase after external sources of validation and fulfillment.

  For instance, Emma grew up in a family where material possessions were valued more than emotional connection. As an adult, she equates love and acceptance with material success and status. She spends beyond her means to keep up appearances, but deep down, she feels empty and unfulfilled.

Healing Our Core Issues

Healing developmental trauma requires addressing the underlying core issues that contribute to difficulties in meeting needs and wants in adulthood. This process involves acknowledging and validating the impact of past experiences, developing self-awareness and self-compassion, and building healthier coping mechanisms and relational skills.

Developmental and relational trauma therapy can be instrumental in this healing journey. Therapists can provide a safe and supportive space for individuals to explore their past experiences, process their emotions, and learn new ways of relating to themselves and others.

In a nutshell

Developmental trauma can have a profound impact on adulthood, shaping how individuals perceive and meet their needs and wants. Whether they struggle with dependency, lack of autonomy, or confusion regarding their desires, healing these core issues is essential for leading a fulfilling and empowered life. A therapist trained in developmental and relational trauma therapy can provide the support and guidance needed to navigate this healing journey and reclaim one's birthright of knowing they are valuable, allowed to be imperfect humans and have needs and wants.

Made Whole Counseling: A Path to Healing

At Made Whole Counseling, we specialize in developmental and relational trauma therapy to help individuals heal their core issues and live authentically. Our approach focuses on accessing the brain-body connection to address the root causes of trauma and promote lasting healing and transformation. Through therapy, our clients learn to recognize their needs and wants, assert their boundaries, and cultivate healthy relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.

If you're ready to embark on a path to healing, Made Whole Counseling is here to support you every step of the way. Visit our website at www.madewholetn.com to schedule a free consultation.